No, this is not some catchy, metaphoric title meant to draw you in out of curiosity and confusion. This is literally a warning: don’t forget deodorant.
If you’ve never forgotten to apply this trusty little step in the morning routine, you may not understand the gravity of this advisory post I’m writing – but please, heed my instruction: if there is one thing you cannot forget, it is deodorant.
This morning, as I was frantically bouncing from bedroom to bathroom to kitchen – stressed and late as usual – I forgot deodorant.
And so began a vicious cycle that would proceed to devour my day. Those unfamiliar with this stinky, sweaty, self-conscious loop, allow me to enlighten you.
You realize (if you’re like me) about seven minutes into your drive to work that you did, in fact, forget deodorant. “No worries,” you think to yourself, “I have a travel stick in my purse.”
WRONG, ASSUMPTION AMY, WRONG. You do NOT have a travel stick in your purse. You fool. You arrive to the office three minutes late, with the inability to make a gas station stop as an attempt to right the wrong in your life, so quickly spiraling out of control.
Within an hour of your work day, you’ve realized that the scent gods are not on your side. It’s as if an invisible memo was sent to all of your coworkers, advising them to spend ample time in your office, breathing deeply. Most days, you entertain three or four guests total, for no more than a minute at a time – and yet today, on your day of stench, your office is suddenly the cool kid’s table in the lunch room – and no one is ready to go back to class.
As the reality of your predicament sets in, you get nervous – cue the sweat. What happens when you feel yourself sweating? You panic – and sweat even more. In a desperate attempt to salvage what little dignity you have left, you reach for your purse and spray a few squirts of your perfume right into those nasty, sweaty pits of yours.
This, however, is no solution. Now instead of sweat smell, you’re dealing with a musty combination of perfume, perspiration, and the remnants of that dryer sheet you convinced your boyfriend to start using. That, my friends, is the smell of remorse.
It’s ugly, boys and girls, but it’s real. Don’t be like me. Carry a travel stick. Hide them in your car, your office, and anywhere else that disaster might strike. You may be giggling to yourself while reading, but don’t – the threat is real, and it can happen to anyone.
Your coworkers and your self-confidence thank you in advance.